I just can’t stop bristling when he gives me instructions or advice, or even when he speaks in a certain tone that sets me off. He doesn’t dislike me and has told me that he thinks I’m extremely capable. I am a biologist by training, and this job is in retail. My boss is a good guy and caring, but I can’t help but fixate on the times when I feel he is not only making unfair and inaccurate estimations of my intelligence, but also searching for/inventing things to call me out on, like asking me random math questions. I just began a new job, and my frustration grew so much by my third training shift that I actually snapped and talked back (which I would ordinarily say is a response completely removed from my sunny, people-pleasing disposition). Now, though, I notice the feeling coming out around almost every man in my life, including my father. The first time it happened, the anger developed slowly, and my manager’s behavior somewhat warranted my response. I guess I have to get to know them first. This wouldn’t be too much of a concern except that it’s getting in the way of my ability to work under male bosses. It feels involuntary: a shudder of exasperation that courses through me without warning while a man is speaking. For a while now, I’ve been steadily losing my ability to endure men.
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